Wednesday, 2 March 2011

still dealing with a death

i'm still feeling a little icky today - not a great descriptive word, but i can't seem to find anything more appropriate. i wrote yesterday at the hand mirror about a death in our community which has affected me quite deeply. but more than that, i'm still struggling with images from my participation in washing the body. i had a couple of nightmares last night, and i'm feeling somehow unsettled. i don't understand it, because this is certainly not the first time i've done this, but perhaps it's because it was someone i'm much closer to.

we had the funeral prayers at the mosque today. family members were looking a little better than yesterday, but still understandably stressed. the act of letting the body go, of watching it leave the house knowing that this person will never return, well that really is the hardest part in dealing with a death. for a christian services i've attended, i've found the most difficult part is watching the body leave the church. i've never attended a burial, i don't think i could stand it.

i know death is a part of life, we've had plenty of reminders of that this week. if not from christchurch, then from the middle east and from various other bits of news around the world.

sorry to be so depressing. on a more cheerful note, it's nz book month and a few weeks ago i was asked to write about a book that had "changed my life". i may put that up on the blog later. tomorrow is the official launch, which i'm hoping to attend.

and back to the depressing stuff, here is a link telling us why christchurch is actually three cities right now, not just won (hat tip to maia).


Deborah said...

I'm sorry that this death is rocking you, anjum. I thought your post at THM was beautiful.

I've been to quite a few burials, notably my grandfather's (paternal), and my grandmother's (maternal), both over 30 years ago now. I find them very difficult - a final goodbye. The casket being taken out of the church, not so much.

That 3 cities post is tremendous, and it seems to be having an effect where it needs to. Thank goodness. I feel a little discouraged that having dug deep to send cash to the Red Cross for Christchurch, too many people are still without the very basics. Hopefully that will change now.

stargazer said...

thanx deborah. i guess, since i don't attend actual burials, the casket leaving is the "final goodbye" moment for me. i just can't imagine how difficult it would be to hear the earth falling into the grave, so appreciate your comment.